Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
