yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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