yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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