i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
