I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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