Don't make out with my wife yet
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
