it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize