I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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