Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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