when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
