Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
