Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
