sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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