I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
