how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There's always time for handjobs
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
