Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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