Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
