I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
