We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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