i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
