so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
