I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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