just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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