lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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