I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize