She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
