guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
