I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i dont even know how to be here
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
