I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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