he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
