I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
