when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
