i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He better not be in your backpack
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
