Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
