I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
