you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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