Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
