He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
