it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
