i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
