1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
