i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
