They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
