just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
porn star boner night. come get it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't deserve a penis
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
