Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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