Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
