I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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