she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
