his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's rum buckets o'clock
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
