I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
