i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
