roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
