Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
