at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize