ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
