just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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