Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Do vagina's smell?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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