ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
