good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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