Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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