We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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