He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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