and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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