i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
