I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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