i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
