the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
