take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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