Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
