Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
